The Set Up. First, you have to know this child we are about to discuss.
He can warm up your heart with a half of a smile.
He's often adventurous and brave.
He's an enthusiastic and loving brother.
Just this morning, that same, awesome five year old had an important day at school. For the 100th day of Kindergarten, each child dresses up like he/she is 100 years old.
Well, we got a little behind this year and had nothing for the big Kindergartner to use for his costume. So, my wife called / texted a bunch of friends and we came up with something on our own - with very little involvement by the boy of honor. So, he gets up this morning and hasn't really bought into much at all - the borrowed suit and vest was okay by him. The hat, no; the glasses, no; the bowtie, no.
Well, that's where I began to struggle. See, I had a meeting at the office first thing in the morning - that's not a good time for "no"...from my perspective anyway. Then, he started getting nervous driving to school and I still wasn't in the mood. Then, he decides he doesn't want to take a picture with his class - as I'm getting even later!
The Mistake. So, I became...well, me. "[Big Man] get together with your class." Nothing. "Did you hear what I said?" Very slight nod. "So, you're chosing to disobey me?" Very slight nod. "So, you want to get a consequence?" Very slight, I'm not even registering what you're saying, body language. "[Big Man], just go stand with your class unless you want a consequence." Grr...I despise acknowledging how me-centered I was being. Long story shortened - he lined up with the class. (The pictures aren't uploaded yet, apologies, but he doesn't look like just an old man. He looks like a grumpy old man.)
So, I finally and slowly began to realize, that my own hurry (I got to work 25 minutes before my meeting, btw) and my own pride regarding whether he would obey me or not, put what was going on in my fragile little son's heart to the wayside.
The Feeble Attempt at Recovery. With my last minute in his classroom, I sat him down on my lap and asked what was wrong. Big Man said he didn't want to be at school - which I'm sure was completely driven by my own attitude on what should have been a special kindergarten morning. I told him I loved him and gave him a hug. By the grace of God, he will not even register my negative impact on him and will have a great day being an old man like his daddy.
What Went Wrong. But, as I thought about it later, the moment he said he was nervous (and maybe sooner), I should have been willing to slow down with him and talk with him and pray with him. I should have cared about his heart rather than my schedule or pride. Today was an opportunity missed.
The Blessing. This is also why I'm so glad Lindley and I were praying so deeply for him (and his brothers) last night. We pray that God uses us for his glory in our parenting, but, more importantly, that he parents, guides and raises our children despite our failed efforts.
Now I will also be praying that I can be a much better shepherd of his heart rather than emphasizing the importance of my schedule. Fortunately for the boys, they have a wonderful Mom who does an amazing job thinking from the heart perspective. I pray that God uses that too.
Maybe when all is said and done, by God's grace alone, we can have more of this
And less of this
