Being A Broken Dad

I have a lot to learn as a Dad. That's a little scary considering that I've already parented for 8 years and am almost halfway through the at home years with our first child. I plan to give you just one of many missed opportunities here that I pray teach me to grow.

The Set Up. First, you have to know this child we are about to discuss.

He can warm up your heart with a half of a smile.

He's often adventurous and brave.

He's an enthusiastic and loving brother.

Just this morning, that same, awesome five year old had an important day at school. For the 100th day of Kindergarten, each child dresses up like he/she is 100 years old.

Well, we got a little behind this year and had nothing for the big Kindergartner to use for his costume. So, my wife called / texted a bunch of friends and we came up with something on our own - with very little involvement by the boy of honor. So, he gets up this morning and hasn't really bought into much at all - the borrowed suit and vest was okay by him. The hat, no; the glasses, no; the bowtie, no.

Well, that's where I began to struggle. See, I had a meeting at the office first thing in the morning - that's not a good time for "no"...from my perspective anyway. Then, he started getting nervous driving to school and I still wasn't in the mood. Then, he decides he doesn't want to take a picture with his class - as I'm getting even later!

The Mistake. So, I became...well, me. "[Big Man] get together with your class." Nothing. "Did you hear what I said?" Very slight nod. "So, you're chosing to disobey me?" Very slight nod. "So, you want to get a consequence?" Very slight, I'm not even registering what you're saying, body language. "[Big Man], just go stand with your class unless you want a consequence." Grr...I despise acknowledging how me-centered I was being. Long story shortened - he lined up with the class. (The pictures aren't uploaded yet, apologies, but he doesn't look like just an old man. He looks like a grumpy old man.)

So, I finally and slowly began to realize, that my own hurry (I got to work 25 minutes before my meeting, btw) and my own pride regarding whether he would obey me or not, put what was going on in my fragile little son's heart to the wayside.

The Feeble Attempt at Recovery. With my last minute in his classroom, I sat him down on my lap and asked what was wrong. Big Man said he didn't want to be at school - which I'm sure was completely driven by my own attitude on what should have been a special kindergarten morning. I told him I loved him and gave him a hug. By the grace of God, he will not even register my negative impact on him and will have a great day being an old man like his daddy.

What Went Wrong. But, as I thought about it later, the moment he said he was nervous (and maybe sooner), I should have been willing to slow down with him and talk with him and pray with him. I should have cared about his heart rather than my schedule or pride. Today was an opportunity missed.

The Blessing. This is also why I'm so glad Lindley and I were praying so deeply for him (and his brothers) last night. We pray that God uses us for his glory in our parenting, but, more importantly, that he parents, guides and raises our children despite our failed efforts.

Now I will also be praying that I can be a much better shepherd of his heart rather than emphasizing the importance of my schedule. Fortunately for the boys, they have a wonderful Mom who does an amazing job thinking from the heart perspective. I pray that God uses that too.

Maybe when all is said and done, by God's grace alone, we can have more of this

 

And less of this

 

The Aroma of Marriage...

One of the most important aspects of our family begins with me and Lindley. Although our 8 year old is quite clear that he doesn't want to get married - unless it's to Mommy, marriage is clearly the second key to building a family with a pleasing aroma.

I spent the first half(-ish) of my marriage madly in love with both my wife and myself. Of course, the Bible says you can't serve two masters (God and money) in Matthew 6:24, and marriage is much the same. Being madly in love with myself doesn't bode well for giving myself up for and loving Lindley.

But how wonderful it is to have a marriage with two people who love and yearn for the Lord. I want to encourage Lindley to be all God created her to be, to show the boys how to love a woman and to show them how to love others.

This represents my yearning for Lindley as I traveled recently:

I heard a poet speak of the Linden
Which brought back emotion deeper than wisdom
I thought of her leaves vibrant green to dark emerald
Fragrant flower, delicately sprinkling life
Through the bleakest of winter, still yearning for sight
With bare limbs and trunk yet shining bright
Compass directs to powered spirit
Walls of miles and time crumble away
Your beauty inspires each and every day
I am blessed desiring my peaceful dweller
While our love endures forever and ever

Where it's Good to be a Kid

So, I've been silent for a week or so, but for good reason. However, I must keep you in the dark on why for a bit longer. Let me first set up the purpose of my silence.

In parenting four children, we want to give quality time with each child. The biggest challenge, outside of my own shortcomings as a Dad, is that my boys don't understand that concept yet...unless they are the child of focus. Each one wants to be involved with every activity while still wanting everything to be centered around him as an individual.

We started last week with all six of us enjoying a Disney movie-themed event. Now, this is quite a treat since the boys don't get to watch movies on school nights. They were beside themselves with joy! We started with Beauty and the Beast Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday we watched Aladdin. And, we finished the week Thursday with Peter Pan. These are three classics, if you ask me. Before each movie, we asked the boys what this movie can remind them of our relationship with God. The key themes:

• Beauty and the Beast - It's all about the heart and be selfless! Having a heart for God is what creates true beauty
• Aladdin - Riches are not in material things
• Peter Pan - Be willing to fight for justice

It was a fun start to the week, but Friday the younger two got to go get special attention from Mimi and Grandpa. They played with the dogs, watched movies, read books, and many other things I don't know yet.

That same day we picked up the older two from school early. That's odd, they thought. We asked them to stay in the car as we ran into the house for a couple minutes and then started driving. Where are we going? Why did I have to miss PE? I didn't want to leave school? Where are we going? I'm hungry.  These were all resounding comments as we coyly navigated to the airport.

What? Are we going to the airport? Are we going to Destin? South Carolina? Washington DC? The Georgia Aquarium? Well we did go to the airport. Checked in for our flight through Atlanta - No, we're not going to have time to go to the Georgia Aquarium - and flew to Atlanta. We grabbed a bit to eat and handed the boys these buttons:

We were on our way to Disney! This kept me much too busy to blog, but was something quite age appropriate for our 5 and practically 8 year old. We spent 5 days at the parks and had a blast all around. We rode rides, watched shows and fire works, stayed up late, had meals with Disney characters,  ate desserts every day and had an all around blast. We were able to pray a prayer of gratitude each night to the Lord for giving us great quality time together.

And, do you know what? Even I had a great time. This was a great place where it was okay to scream at the top of your lungs, sing songs from Disney movies, ride the same roller coaster 3 times in a row, and many other kid-friendly activities. It felt good to be free-spirited, to allow our children to be wild and crazy, and to give them a little extra focus that they don't always get. I hope this is the first of many trips to come!

A few highlights from the trip:

Brothers watching a show as it all started at Magic Kingdom.

Starting the safari at Animal Kingdom.

How did Mama get that picture of those rare rhinos at Animal Kingdom?

Pure joy during the Lion King show at Animal Kingdom.

Donald had us laughing all week (waiting for Hollywood Studios to open).

Soon to be a Padawan at Hollywood Studios.

Taking on Vader and not turning to the Dark Side in Hollywood Studios!

Brothers at Epcot.

Brothers at Epcot with flare.

Brothers at Epcot.

Brothers...I mean Secret agents at Epcot.

Starting with the End in Mind (and Happy Down Syndrome Awareness Month)

Blogging is a new venture for me. When I was aware that blogs were coming into vogue, I tried to post every once in a while without much direction. However, since I don't thrive without direction, I've decide that to begin this blog, we must start with the end in mind. The Westminster catechism of faith says that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. That's the end.

I don't mean to be overly theological, but God has been showing that this catechism uses a much broader term of "man's" chief end than I've been considering. This broader meaning is contrary to the way I have lived life - and often continue to live life -  wherein I've struggled to determine what "Chad's" chief end will be. In the end, though, it's not about me but it's about God and his great plan to have man live in a way that we glorify and honor God.

Rewind a few years from the end, and I see my boys living their own lives (I have four under the age of 8 - wow!), sharing with others and discipling their families and friends so that others too may live a life that God intended. I see my wife and I still madly in love and growing in the Lord, reading his word, praying daily, serving others and learning from our children.

Rewind a little more. No longer are the boys fully grown, but I see them having fruitful relationships with their friends. I see them without judgment. I see them with humility. I see them caring for others. I see them respecting women. I see my wife and I, along with our friends, pouring truth into them. I see an open family where we can talk and discuss all things through the lens of man's chief end. I see myself loving my wife for the Lord, for her sake, for their sake and for my sake.

Now, let's rewind to today. I am a broken man. I now understand what is is to be both fully broken and fully whole at the same time. Praise God! Since I know I can't earn his favor, praise him for his grace and mercy. From that lens, if we were to fast forward through the years just discussed, I know that there will be days, months, maybe years, where it doesn't look exactly like the vision. But, I want to live, as much as possible, through that vision removing my ego-centrism, glorifying God and loving my family all the while calling on his mercy wherever we fail and reveling in his mercy every time we succeed.

So, this blog will be about the aroma of our family. We strive to make it a sweet offering as called for throughout Leviticus and Numbers, but we know we won't always smell sweet. The chronicles of our family are going to be best captured at my wife's blog here ourmorningglories.com, but I too am going to chronicle more about our life, successes, failures, laughter, sadness and joy. I hope you enjoy it. Please feel free to leave comments!

For those of you who don't know me, my fourth child, affectionately referred to a "Number 4," was born with Down Syndrome. He has Down Syndrome, but is not defined by it (i.e. he's not a "Downs' Kid," but rather a child with Down Syndrome). No. 4 is a joy and a blessing. You will learn more about him, his brothers and his parents through this blog, but since it's Down Syndrome Awareness month, I thought I would give a shout out to the International Down Syndrome Coalition.

Thanks.